Journal entry, July 14, 2019
I could never leave this place.
I’m surrounded by God given friends. Many. My life is blessed. Homeschool. Homestead. Church. Family. Work. God placed us specifically here in Leicester on a not perfect but yet oh so perfect for us little homestead. I have been on a mountain top for a while now. And I know it. My hands have been held while I took my wobbly steps into this new journey across the United States and found a new home miles away from all my comforts. I was carried when I was too afraid to take another step. I asked God “Will you be there? Alllllll the way over there across the country? Will I at least have you if I won’t have my parents? I’m scared.” And he answered me: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”” Deuteronomy 31:8. And answered my doubtful mind again: “I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”
“... so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Yesssss.
And it was true. Oh! If only my little fearful eyes could have seen how he would keep his promises back then in California before we left. God paved a way for my little family to be here in safety before we arrived. His hand protected and sheltered us while we were here. His blessings poured out over us over and over again while he gently taught us how to be and revealed himself to us daily as we sought out provisions for our family and had to put our faith in him to provide and protect. And he not only leveled the mountains before us, he placed us up on top.
I have been on a mountain top for a while now. And I know it. I am aware. Very aware and very thankful. I’m not afraid anymore.
Maybe we were here for a season of this life and now we have grown too comfortable in this place? Maybe we have learned all we were supposed to learn here. I’ve felt his hand gently taken away and I can walk without wobbling and clinging to His... Easy now.
Lately I feel change is in the air. This could be an end of a season for us. I hear gentle whispers of ideas that gently help me see future coming changes. And that’s how He works! Gently. Whispers. And models patience.
What if He is calling us somewhere else? I’m afraid of change. Is it time to learn new things and grow more spiritually?
Can I hear him over my own loud, selfish and fearful thoughts?
“He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.”C S Lewis The Screwtape Letters