journal entry September 20, 2018

She called me crying one afternoon. She had just left her friend’s house and was on her way to work.

“I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just as scared as everyone else.” She was talking about her dying friend that was on hospice and would go any minute ... But I know my mom, her love is bigger than her fears.

I often think about my mom. All of the little things that she did for others. It was just typical mom when she brought a meal to a new mother, cooked and cleaned for a friend that was ill, and sat ever so patiently by the bedside of dying friends; reading to them, holding their hands, looking into their dying faces, then driving to work a full 8 hour shift. I never thought twice about it. I never questioned these things. I just figured that she was a social person.

Now that I’m grown, I feel the urge in my heart to care for my friends that have needs. I now see that these were no little tasks that my mother took on. How brave she is for looking into the face of a lifeless body. How strong she was for keeping our house clean and to do it all over again for another house. With four children in tow, it was pure joy to do these things for others and she did these so effortlessly and never once complained. Now that I am far away, I realize that she’s not here to do these things, I need to do them. I have a dying friend that needs Jesus. I have a friend that just had a baby and could use a meal. I have friends that are ill and need a listening friend.

I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just as scared as anyone else... My love needs to be bigger than my fears.

“You purposely allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that you want changed. Perhaps that is the very reason why we are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us so to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities to live forever. That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible overcoming it with good.”- Hinds Feet On High Places, Hannah Hurnard

My mom’s friend passed away. My mom was there to hold her hand as she left this world of suffering and entered into heaven’s gates.

My mom continues to love others. She doesn’t stop. She shows me how. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have her as my mother.