Psalm 127

Journal entry September 9, 2018

Yesterday I read psalm 127 in my daily devotional reading.

It was about how children are like arrows against the enemy and whoever has his quiver full is blessed.

This was the second time I heard this passage this week. The first was when a friend of mine came over and mentioned she has some friends who believe that having many children are like a command that God gives to us women. (I have another friend that lived with the Amish for a while that said this was also what they believed).

Regardless whether or not it is really a command, that’s you’re own interpretation, I could see how children could be like arrows against the enemy if you raise them up to serve God. I could see how having your home (quiver) full of children could be so joyous.

Halfway reading through the devotional I stopped and cried. I have one child. My house is quiet and not filled with laughter or fighting. My mobile home is small and cannot accommodate a large crowd. I am 38 years old and the grey hairs on my head remind me of my aging body. My c section scar reminds me of a time when I needed my family near me and how far away I am from them.

I felt terrible after I read that devotion. It just never happened for us! I cried. Jason was always sick! I was shouting at this point. I took a deep long look into my past to see where maybe I went wrong and could have possibly popped out more children. There were no windows. Jason had cancer. Once in remission I got pregnant with Penelope. When Penelope was 2, was the perfect time for me to get pregnant again. But Jason got sick again. Then when he got better we were in the middle of moving here across the country. I retraced my steps again to see. When we first got married Jason was healthy but I was busy climbing the corporate ladder. Something I thought I was supposed to do to be successful. Successful; something I thought I was supposed to be. I wasn’t walking with Christ then. Oh Lord please don’t punishment me for the rest of my life because of my sin before I walked with you. Don’t punish Penelope with loneliness for my sin.

All day long I thought and I thought. Perhaps I could get pregnant now? Perhaps I’m not too old? I felt sad. All day long I prayed.

Last night I dreamt that I was with 3 friends; M, T and C. We all wanted to get pregnant. We met somewhere and it was a Wednesday. One of the women pulled out some tiny pieces of paper and read aloud that friends T and C could not have anymore children because they have something called “Peaks”. They were very sad! Then we 4 ladies met again later in the week. I was curious to see if I was pregnant yet and had my hopes up high. Friend M again unfolded and read the new tiny slips of paper. Friend C could not have any more children and wait... there’s a correction, it is Lorraine who cannot have anymore children not Friend T. She read my name! Oh no! This was sad news. I took a walk by myself and tried to figure out my new diagnosis called Peaks.


Am I crying for the things I cannot have? Discontentment?

What is “peaks”? Mountains? The furthest point I could reach/go? Age?

The dream about the saint at the mall

September 3, 2018

I dreamt that I was at a mall shopping by myself. I saw my brother. We were outside on a grassy area. There was a water hose on the ground that I was trying not to get tangled up in. And I was telling him about goat meat and raw goats milk.

Then I went off to do my shopping.

As I was walking outside of the mall I saw a bin full of chocolate candy and i began to sort through it, then I remembered I had to go into the building to do something or get something, the whole reason I went to the mall that day.

And I saw a saint standing on a roof of a tall opposite building that was across the way from where I was standing and he was wearing a white gown with a blue sash. He had white hair. He was fiercely pointing to a direction of the building that I had to go into. He wanted me to see him. I was getting the feeling that he was saying do not go that way and not to do something.

I asked others if they could see that saint and they said no.

...... 

Mall: symbolic of life’s choices

 

Brother: brother in Christ

 

Meat: symbolic of great spiritual truths,

1 Corinthians 3:2 I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.


Milk-symbolic of the word of God

1 Peter 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:


Water hose: symbolic of good words and life

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.


Chocolate candy: symbolize a lure or temptation

Donald Trump

August 18, 2018

I had a dream that I was pregnant by Donald trump. In my dream I was so angry that this happened. I could not stand this man and I was angry that I was pregnant with his child. At the end of my dream I gladly gave the baby up for adoption when it was born.

When I woke up I was so upset. I wasn’t upset because I detest Donald trump and I had gotten pregnant with his child, I was disturbed because I gave a baby up for adoption. I would never do that. Not even if the father was disgusting Donald Trump. For weeks I have been bothered by this dream.

 ....

I know dreams are not literal and pregnancy in a dream can mean a figurative meaning of the birth of an idea.

Kathy

Dear Kathy,

I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that I was walking to a library. I saw your mom also going there. She was ahead of me. I followed her. I saw that she walked up to the librarian desk and spoke with the librarian. When I asked your mother what she was doing she told me that she was erasing your past. She didn’t want anyone to look you up or to find any past information about you. What a weird dream.

.... 

It’s strange but that dream is totally true! Well not through the library though.

Whatever you did in the past can be erased the very moment you speak to God and and ask him to erase your past. He will.

The God of the universe loves you. He actually has a place for you. If you will accept it.

This real and living God loves you and sent his son to die for you on the cross and to erase all past things that you have done and can assure you (yes you beautiful Kathy!) a place in heaven.

All you have to do is ask him to and he will.

Kathy, I hope that you are not struggling with anything in your past. It is all forgiven if you ask him to he will.

You are so loved here and there are so many of us that want to see you again in heaven. All of us on the group text are sisters in Christ. We all have had our pasts erased and forgiven. And each of us are praying that you will surrender your life to the God of the universe. My sweet friend, I am so happy that I got to know you better and your precious family. We all love your boys. And we love you Kathy! 

Dream about the big white van

August 14, 2018

I dreamt that I was riding in a large white van with a bunch of others. All the others seemed younger than me. I’m not sure where we were going but it wasn’t home. More like traveling?

Some of the girls were flirting with the boys. One girl in particular that was sitting in the long bench seat in front of me had brown curly hair. She had on a very risqué outfit and her shorts were made of black lace. Kind of see through. We seemed to be parked somewhere for a short time. Maybe to get gas or something. While we were parked the girl in the front took off her seat belt and crouched down by another girl in front of me on the long bench seat. They were giggling.

I was talking to the people that were sitting in my row when I hear the girl in front of me say “no you didn’t!” With a laugh.

I look to see the flirty girl with brown curly hair laughing out loud and she has no underwear on. So I speak in a loud mother tone of voice “get out of the car! Go!”

She looks at me like you can’t be serious.

“Go on!” I say. I’m not shouting but I have a voice of authority,

She puts her short back on and says I’m going to call my mom on you. And I say good. I hope you do I need to tell her what you did.

It is later and I climb out of the crowded messy car. It’s cold outside. Like it wants to snow. I walk over to where I see everyone I know standing. I see joey and Jeanine and his family. They are cold. I see my brother. I say are you ready to move here? They say they aren’t sure they can handle the cold.

My dream about popularity, identity, material wealth

August 7, 2018

I dreamt that I went to a building that I was familiar with and I was hanging out with my old coworkers. Then one of them told me she was in a very popular rock band called the foo fighters. Her hair and outfit was so awesome. Wow she’s so cool I kept thinking. And I was so amazed and thought she was so cool because I thought the rock band was cool. Then she invited me to hang out with her and the band.

While we were hanging out, my old boss, Trina (the fashion designer) comes in and asks if I used to like working for her, I told her that it was great then but now I live a very different life now and I don’t need all those clothes anymore. She says well I have a quick job for you just this once. And I see no harm in taking the quick job just this once and I am happy to have the extra income. While working the job I see my coworkers having fun, being well dressed and going out together after work. I secretly wish for this too.

One day I am at a coworkers house and there is a knock at the door. It’s Trina (my boss) and she’s bringing gifts for everyone and even for their children. I am thinking wow this is so nice. Trina says that she buys gifts for all her employees. And says that she would like for me to stay on full time. I have a feeling she is trying to entice me. I see the gifts being passed out to the adults and children. My friend sitting next to me gets a robot that can fetch him cookies from the kitchen. He thinks it’s cool but I could see deep down that he has no real use for it. I see the children open their gifts. They are all very colorful gifts. All the children are amazed and happy.

Then the colors seem to be too loud all of a sudden. Bright reds  and bold yellows start to scream at me. The children are not satisfied with their gifts and start to fight over each other’s gifts thinking the others are better. I see the gifts are big giant plasticy bulky toys I feel a panic almost inside me and realize I want to go back to my simple home. My simple living and tiny home with homemade wooden things all around me. I tell Trina that I’m sorry but I cannot take the job.

There is a part in this dream where I am driving in an old pickup truck with my dad with giant trays of homemade peanut butter cookies to sell or pass out at a school?? But I’m not sure at what point this fit in .

​The dream about Friend BR.

august 2, 2018

I was back at my moms house. We were sitting in the living room and she was telling me how she was Ill. This was devastating news. Something about her heart or her breast? She said that she couldn’t do something anymore. I strongly convinced her that she could! If only she could take her mind off her illness. So I told her that if she went running or walking everyday that would help. And I would walk with her everyday. She was surprised and agreed.

The next day I was very late to school. So I asked someone for a ride. I was eager to get there because I remembered my commitment to BR. 

At the end of the day I knew I had to make her food. I was making food.

Something about a house being for sale and a woman wanted to take pictures of it. It was a corner house. I don’t think it was my house?

There was also something about guitar lessons.

Flowing waters

July 2018

I dreamt that I was at my parents house. It was around the time when the sun was going down and everything was golden from the sun’s rays. I was on the phone with Allison. I was standing outside and noticed water coming from the side of the house. I walked over to it and saw that it was a flood. But my mood wasn’t troubled. I felt overcome by wonder and amazement. I followed the water to find out where it was exactly coming from. I noticed the water kept getting deeper and rushed stronger as I sought harder. I reached the gate that leads to the backyard that faces the sunset. I saw that the flowing water source lead into the backyard of my parents and just beyond the gate I saw people gathered by a swimming pool of which the water flowed.

My feeling was wonder.

Then I walked back to the front of the yard where there was no water, still on the phone with Allison. I noticed a crow in the lawn inspecting a pile of items. I noticed the crow was talking like a human. He was saying leave it alone or let it go.

The crow seemed to notice me and said hello I went over to it to say hello but he flew away. I was still talking to Allison in the phone. My feeling was friendly.

Later in my dream, Jason and I were on a date at a clothing store. 

Then we came back to our property and on a grassy green hill I noticed water and oil were flowing out of two spigots and pipes. My feeling was excitement.

 ......,


My thoughts:

My parents house = my fathers house = heaven?
What the Bible says ravens/crows:
Luke 1222 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[b]?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
What the Bible says about flowing water:

John 7:38

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’”

Ezekiel 47:1-12

Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple toward the east (for the temple faced east). The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar. Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side. Going on eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits, and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep. Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen. It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through.

Storm at my parent’s house

July 20, 2018

It was night time and Jason and I pulled up to my moms and dads driveway. It was very windy outside. There was a terrible wind storm. I looked outside the car window and saw trees blowing violently. Then I saw in the next driveway a truck and a little boy huddled next to the truck door almost like he was trying to get in to seek shelter but it had been locked. I looked closely and saw that it was Tyler my brothers son. I said, “hey that’s Tyler he needs help.” So I got out of the car to help him. On the driveway I see a trash can and it smells like a dirty toilet. I walk up to my parents walkway to the front door of their house. There I am met with my mom, Penelope and my sister priscilla. They have been spooked. Penelope is hugging my mom and looks afraid. My mom tells me there has been some strange things going on. I don’t remember what they were but I knew that there was a spiritual battle. One of the things she told me was that there was some phone call or something from a woman named Kathy. Then I woke up abruptly.

Dream about Christmas time

I had this dream about a year ago. I just remembered it today August 13, 2018.

I was at a hotel that was all decorated up for Christmas.

It was very fancy and expensive.

Penelope was with me. I think also another little girl as there too.

There was snow on the ground.

And ever green trees.

Christmas lights

There was a long driveway to get to the place. Snow all around.

People coming and going.

Christmas ornaments

Dream about purgatory

May 26, 2018

I dreamt I woke up in purgatory. It was kind of like a drs office. There was a woman there who was the guide. She called us into her office but it wasn’t as formal as it sounds. She told us about herself and how she was not dead and that she was just in waiting just like the rest of us.

She talked a lot but I don’t remember what she was saying.

Driving

Prom

I said I love you to my parents

...... 

Afterthoughts;

Psalm 73:24, which assures that after trusting Christ in life we will be received at once with love by God in our death. “You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.” It is into glory that justified sinner go at death, not into a hell-like furnace of purgatory. All because of the righteousness that is not of ourselves, not of the church, but is of Christ through faith, so that, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 1:30, Jesus is himself our righteousness before our loving God. That is why the Christian gospel is one of joy and not of fear, in life as well as in death, a Gospel of the hope of eternal life that says to all who trust in Christ, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1).

there is no purgatory. 

Dream about the play

April 12, 2018

There was a play

It was in California

It was supposed to be about the resurrection

But a girl (an old friend) played the part.

When the "coffin" was opened it was a man and woman inside naked. But this was not a surprise to anyone nor was anyone embarrassed or lustful.

There was a lot of brown wood on the stage. It seemed like a big boat.

I wasn't sure if I was in the play or if I was Part of the crew to help put on the play.

It was an outdoor play.

Grandma and papa were with Penelope in the audience.

After it was over I went to congratulate the cast members.

I saw my friend Kelly from high school and asked her how many kids she had now. She said 5. I said I wished I had 5 kids. She said no you don't lol, how many do you have? And I said only one. I felt sad that I had only one.

 ....

Afterthoughts; 

July. my friends the Watkins family were really in an outdoor play. there was lots of wood on the stage. It wasn’t a play about the resurrection but they were able to share the gospel to many of the cast members.

The dream about lions

February 2018

A few nights ago I dreamt that I was in a room crowded with people. The floors and walls were white. Then all of a sudden three lions appeared. The lions were very majestic. They did not attack anyone but watched everyone and one even jumped up onto a table. Everyone started to panic and be afraid. I was not afraid. I spoke calmly and told everyone that if we did not panic then the lions would not hurt us. Everyone listened and kept walking down a hallway. The lions walked amongst us calmly and eventually disappeared.

What the Bible says about lions:

2 Timothy 4:17

17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth.


My thoughts/questions:

Three lions = God Jesus Holy Spirit?

The dream about idols

March 31, 2018

I dreamt that i was boarding an airplane with Penelope.

The part to get onto the plane reminded me of waiting in line to get on a ride at a theme park because there were wooden bridges to cross.
There was a man trying to sell me a very expensive postage stamp. I declined the stamp.
Once I got on the airplane I saw India and she was telling me about this special new wine that she drinks. After she drinks it she feels like a new person and really motivated. She even started playing violin.

Once we got in the plane there was a giant family bed with baby blue linens.Melissa, kenny, India, Derek, Allison and Richie were all there in the bed. They were all wearing matching blue pajamas except for me. They were clean, new and unwrinkled. They looked expensive. I wished I had a pair. All married couples were sitting at the headboard of the bed. I was sitting sideways at the feet. Priscilla was reclining next to me. Then dad came to pass something out of a ziplock bag. I joked and said I hoped it was a pair of blue pajamas.I believe it was dried fruit. Rebekah tells us how she loves this dried fruit and she eats it all the time.

I am off the plane and I see josh, he is lying wrapped up in his blanket in his own bed in a rental home. He doesn't want to get out of bed. I walk into his restroom and the toilet keeps over flowing with dried fruit. (I did not make that mess)  It's a big mess and I cannot clean it up. I look in his cupboards and There is no more toilet paper to wipe up the mess. I hear his brother Noah playing and singing.

.....

My thoughts:

What does the Bible say about airplanes/travel:

Mark 16:15 And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.

A postage stamp is another way to send a message.

What does the Bible say about bridges:

John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

All three people in the family bed are married couples . A family bed? A marital bed? Josh was in a bed alone. He is now divorced

What the Bible says about dried fruit:

Hosea 3:1 And the LORD said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.”

God our father gives us good gifts.

The trickery of idolatry is the turning of a good thing into a god thing

We are worshipers, and as such, we will worship. God redeems people through the perfect atonement of Jesus from the fruitless worship of idols to the glorious worship of his fathomless self.

What the Bible says about new wine:

Hosea 9:2 Threshing floors and winepresses will not feed the people; the new wine will fail them.

Isaiah 65:8 Thus saith the Lord, As the new wine is found in the cluster, and one saith, Destroy it not; for a blessing is in it: so will I do for my servants' sakes, that I may not destroy them all.


 

The dream about heaven

March 2018

I had this very Intense dream that I was hosting an outdoor party, it was a potluck or a BBQ. Every person I knew was there. Then as if everyone knew what to expect, as soon as everyone was done eating we had to go wait in line. The line was to get into heaven. Everyone cheerfully walked up to stand in line.

There was a long line of people and we were all waiting a long time in line to get into heaven. While we were waiting, there were quite a few people growing restless. Some were losing faith that we were ever going to get in. Some were waiting in line with boxes of their most prized possessions and those boxes were getting heavy. I remember telling them that they can't take those boxes with them into heaven.
Some were frantically looking for their loved ones, and crying out that they will not go in without them.
Then came my turn to walk into heaven. I had no boxes and nothing in my hands. I remember the people in line behind me saying, "but wait shouldn't you go and look for Jason first? What if you never see him again?"  I told them, "I know I will see him in there." And I went in.
Then there was a little black lamb, that was in line with an older black sheep. And the older black sheep told the little lamb, "wait we aren't ready yet, we have to get out of line. Come with me." The little lamb didn't agree or want to but he followed anyway because he was just a child. Then the sheep took the little lamb behind a fence and then turned into a black wolf and tried to eat the little lamb. The wolf was drooling a lot. Then a bright light shone on the little lamb and he was able to get away.

 ........

Afterthoughts; 

Matthew 7:15-20

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Deuteronomy 13:1-3ESV

“If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, ‘Let us go after other gods,’ which you have not known, ‘and let us serve them,’ you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the Lord your God is testing you, to know whether you love the Lordyour God with all your heart and with all your soul.

The dog’s broken leg

June 29, 2017

I couldn't sleep last night. I just couldn't quiet my mind and I kept tossing and turning.  I was going through my prayer lists and God laid it on my heart to pray for Stacie's mom and her granddaughter (not Stacie's child, another sibling) who is living with her (she's a troubled teen) and I felt like God was telling me that I needed to invite them to church.

When I did sleep I kept seeing images flash in front of my eyelids. Which isn’t a typical dream format for me. One of the images was of a dog’s foot, it was broken in half. Like a cartoon.

This morning I woke up and the first text message I got was from Stacie. Her moms favorite and beloved dog fell off the bed last night and broke his foot. They rushed him to the pet hospital and come to find out he was very ill and they had to put him down. The whole family is really sad. Stacie’s mom is devastated.

I reached out to her all week with comforting messages. Then at the end of the week asked her if she would like to come to a ladies brunch with me on Saturday. She said yes and brought her granddaughter (the troubled teen). The message that day was about God’s love.

Dream about the kids

August 2018 reflecting back to 2016.

Right before I left California I was praying heavily about all of the many things I worried about. I was scared that God would not be there alllllll the way in North Carolina. Or perhaps, that the God that I knew and loved would not be the same God that was here with me in California. These are very silly things to be afraid of, but oh I was so afraid. I am embarrassed to say admit it now. But these were my fears. I prayed and asked God about a million questions. One of the things that was heavy on my mind was homeschool and friends for Penelope. I was so worried for her. I worried that she would be all alone and torn away from her family she would fall into a lonely depression. I feared that homeschool was not the best decision for my only child. I prayed about it often before falling asleep.
One of the dreams that I had right before leaving California was;

I was in a wooded area. There were many pines and tall trees. I drove there. There was snow on the ground that was melting away. A paved driveway. It was a old place. It seemed like the person who owned it had vintage things. There were many children. Some children were climbing and swinging from wooden beams. There seemed to be a sort of a back house. Or a separate building. There was a merry presence.

......

Afterthoughts:

I wish I would have written this dream down when I first had it so I could recall more details, but it didn’t make any sense to me then.

I now belong to an amazing homeschooling group of mamas and Penelope is surrounded with lots of homeschool children. We meet once a week at one home.

When I started paying attention

My dream February 2016

In the beginning of my dream I had several jars of nutbutter/cookies. They were scattered throughout my parent’s house and I was collecting them and putting them away in a room. There was one jar left and my nephew Jonathan had it and was eating from it. I gave him 2 cookies from the jar and told him to share one of the cookies with his aunt Rebekah. He didn't want to and got angry. I closed the lid and placed the jar in the refrigerator.

After that I left the house, got in my car and drove down the street to go get one more jar. I drove not far down the block where some children were crossing the street after being let out by a school bus. They all kept pointing to the sky and shouting "oh wow, how cool, do you see that?" Where they were pointing was above my car. I didn't know what it was that they were pointing at. So as soon as I turned my car around I looked up at the sky, while driving back to my moms house, I saw a very detailed angel in the clouds. It was directly above my car. They were dark storm clouds. But I knew that cloud was following me and had a sense that the angel was fighting for me. I could only look at the Angel for a moment because it hurt my eyes and plus I was driving I had to keep my eyes on the road. But I figured since it was such a short drive back to my moms I could look up at the sky when I arrived.

When I arrived back at my parent’s house, I got out of the car and looked up at the sky and there were just storm clouds I couldn't see an angel anymore, but I ran inside to tell my mom. I told her why I had left the house , to go get the last jar, but then they reminded me that I had already collected all my jars, I was bewildered. Then I told them that I didn't know what came over me when I left. Then I looked at the key hangar and saw that I had never even removed my car keys when I left! How did I drive my car with no keys?

Then I was outside with everyone from my family. There was a storm coming and I could see destruction in trees and some Windows from the storm. We were standing in the driveway and I wanted to tell everyone about the Angel but it was hard for me to tell others because I kept getting interrupted or distracted.

There was a boy in a wheelchair on our driveway. I looked at him and told my mom that "brother looks different today" she said that's not your brother. But she didn't explain who that was. But I saw and understood that my dad was caring for him. I tried telling my dad about the Angel but I kept getting interrupted. Then I turned around and saw John from my bible study group. Surely he would understand! He saw an angel before! I tried to tell him but everytime I spoke it was like I wasn't even there. John walked inside my parents home and pushed the boy in the wheelchair closer so he could see the tv. I saw that John was very kind to him. He had a good heart. He was talking to my dad about adoption and financial help with adoption. In the end of the dream I gave John and his wife kim a bag of clothes for their new adopted child. On the top of the bag of clothes was a pink dress with white polka dots. I pulled it out and showed it to kim. It had Ruffles on the hem.

..... 

When I awoke from the dream I immediately felt that I needed to pray. Nothing was wrong, scary or sad. I just felt the need to pray. I didn't know what to pray for and I had no idea what was to happen in the week to follow.

Monday morning as I gathered a few bags of Penelope's old clothes I was reminded of my dream, the part of the bag of clothes that I handed to kim for her newly adopted child. I stopped and asked God if I was supposed to give this bag of used clothes to Kim. I didn't feel that God was telling me to do that.The dream troubled me all week.

Wednesday morning I get a text from my mom that my brothers daughter was born early, almost a month early and that we were still going ahead with the baby shower on Sunday. This day it rained. There were dark storm clouds in the sky. All week the weather was warm and sunny. Except for This day. It rained. It reminded me about my dream and the dark storm clouds at my moms house and the Angel. Since my brothers daughter had just been born, my dad offered to watch his other two children so that way my brother and his wife could bond with the new baby. It reminded me of my dream where my dad was caring for the boy in the wheel chair that I mistook for my brother. The dream continued to pop in my mind and trouble me all week.

Thursday: my sister, who lives about 4 hours away was visiting and staying with my mom and dad for the week invited me to stay the night at my moms house with her. While there I forget about my dream and enjoy my sister and my nephew Jonathan's company. That night my mom asked if my sister and I could run to the store and pick up some cheese. We get into the car and drive down that same road as in my dream where I saw the Angel. While at the store, we stop in a random isle and my sister, who very rarely eats this, says hey look at these nut butter packets. Let's buy a few for the kids and take them back to mom and dads house. I still haven't remembered my dream and agree to buy the nut butters.

Friday: I am driving with my sister in the car and I start to freak out remembering my dream and the connection between the nut butters. We meet up with my sister Rebekah. I haven't seen her in a long time. It is good to see her and am reminded of my dream again.

Saturday: I'm starting to feel really really crazy about the dream, I start to pray about it.

Sunday: the day of the shower. I arrive at my moms house for the baby shower. The shower is lovely and we had a wonderful time. Then as the baby shower is wrapping up, and guests were leaving, my brothers wife arrived with the 4 day old baby. And there she was, a little baby that wasn't supposed to be there that day because she wasn't supposed to be born until one month from now, wearing... A pink dress with white polka dots and a ruffle around the bottom. I immediately felt that this was the close of my dream. It was done. I had a sense of a finish line. Almost like a song had stopped playing and reached the ending chorus. But wait! What about John and Kim?

Monday morning: I prayed. They felt heavy on my heart. Nothing bad or wrong, I just felt that I needed to pray for them. I felt an urge to call Kim and tell her that she was going to be getting a little girl through the adoption agency. But I was afraid that she would think I was weird. And what if I was wrong? I never felt this weird urge before, to tell someone something was going to happen. I didn't call because I was too confused.

Wednesday: I arrive at bible study, the very first words out of Kim's mouth, " we were contacted yesterday by the adoption agency, we have been selected to adopt a little boy and a little girl."


Afterthoughts on Thursday:
Jars of nut butter represented my gifts?
How can God use me? To give others hope?